Top Ten Bets I Won't Take

10. Paris Hilton will serve her full sentence (oops she's already out, that was fast--you owe me $5).

9. The war in iraq will finish painlessly and quickly.

8. I won't be bombarded by commercials for crap I don't need.

7. The weather will be normal.

6. Congress will do something for the public good.

5. Paris Hilton has changed her ways.

4. I'll be able to tell Gary Busey and Nick Nolte apart.

3. They'll stop making sequels to "Rocky."

2. When I call tech support at a big business, they'll let me off the phone easily at the end of the call instead of keeping me on the line, gushing with platitudes about how they appreciate my business, thanking me for calling, and to have a nice day. (All this after they could not solve my problem).

1. "Top Ten" lists will lose their popularity. No way, baby!!!